TMI New Girl AU
by dontlookforlovelookforcoffee
Summary: After breaking up with her cheating bf, artist Clarissa Fairchild moves in with three single males; a womanizer, an aspiring musician, and a personal trainer. Rated M: Language and Smut


The small wide-eyed redhead sat in the cracked leather chair across from the three boys whose craigslist ad she had responded to. The three boys were drastically different.

One was tall and lanky but muscular with shaggy long black hair and startling blue eyes. He was dressed in a tattered sweater and faded black jeans. The boy on his left was ripped with blonde curling hair and striking golden eyes. He was dressed well, with fitted jeans and nice sweater. The boy on the farther end of the sofa was skinny and a little awkward with lopsided wide framed glasses. He had deep coffee brown eyes and short wavy hair.

"So, like" The small redhead, Clary began. "You know in horror movies when the girl is like 'oh my god, there is something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on' and you're sitting there like, 'what is your problem'"

Clary waved her hands for emphasis.

"'Call the police!' but then by the time she realizes that she's already been murdered? Well…uh…my life is kind of like that."

_**Flashback**_

_Clary sat in the back of a Taxi cab dressed in only a long trench coat. It was the kind of coats you saw in movies where the girl shows up to the man's house and drops the coast and then BOOM naked. Clary was proud of her idea._

_"It's a surprise for Sebastian! I'm just going to walk in and drop my coat on the ground. He says it a fantasy of his. That I'm a stripper with a heart of gold and he's helping put me through college."_

_"Did he really say the college part?" Clary's best friend asked from the other end._

_"No but I wanted to create a three-dimensional sex character"_

_"well then what's your stripper name?"_

_"Um…Carrie Fray"_

_"That's your stripper name? Carrie Fray?"_

_"Boobies Fray" Clary paused looking out the cab window. "Um...Two Boobies Johnson!"_

_"I am so proud of you! Look at you, naked in the back of a cab."_

_Clary hung up and got out of the car thanking the cabbie. She rushed up to the door and slipped inside._

_"Seb!" Clary called from the foyer. A jet-black haired boy with equally dark eyes stood in front of their bedroom door._

_"Clary um- what are you"_

_"Shh" Clary said putting her finger too his lips. She backed up to give him a full view of herself in the tan coat. "You're talking to Kitty Thong" Clary said seductively dropping the coat._

_"Um Clare-I don't think—"_

_"No talking Seb!" Clary said and began to dance in their living room. She turned to give Sebastian a view from behind. Her heart fluttered nervously, she couldn't believe she was doing this! But when she turned around her heart dropped._

_Standing next to Seb was a short blonde in one of Sebastian's button ups._

_**XxXx**_

"So…Um… that's why I need a new place." Clary said as she played with on of her curls, twirling it around her index finger. "I'm sorry" Clary said leaning forward. "What was the question again?"

"Do you have any pets?" Said the boy with the brown hair, his coffee eyes filled with confusion.

"You know what's funny from your craigslist ad I thought you were women!" Clary said nervously.

The boy with the blonde hair laughed out loud.

"What…I mean…that's crazy. Why would you think that?" The black-haired boy asked sounding nervous.

"Alec wrote the ad" Jace said indicating the raven-haired boy on his left.

"I just it was just the words that you used like" Clary looked up in thought "sun-soaked and..a..beige-y"

The boys started laughing. The black-haired boy blushing deeply. That's when the golden haired boy ripped off his shirt revealing a tanned six pack.

"What about these, baby? They look sun-soaked to you?" He shot her a wink.

Clary leaned back in her seat her green eyes wide.

"What are you doing?!" the boy in the band tee with the glasses exclaimed.

"This is LLJ" The golden boy said crossing his legs, his feet propped on the coffee table. "Ladies Love Jace"

"By the angel. What did you just say? Go put a dollar in the jar right now." Alec said sternly having recovered from his previous embarrassment.

"Damnit" The boy named Jace muttered. Clary watched as the muscled man walked over to the small mason jar filled with cash, labeled 'Douchebag Jar'.

Clary cleared her throat and jumped up. "Your place is so nice and bright!" she moved to the window. "Sebastian hated light" Clary sighed turning back to the boys.

"Sorry" She said clearing her throat. "its still hard to say his name" She looked down at her green converse.

"It's alright" Jace interjected as he reached for his shirt. "Si knows. He got dumped" He smiled wickedly at the boy in the wide framed glasses.

"Yeah, I got dumped." Simon said throwing his hands out. "And I'm over it! Okay? It was six months ago, guys!" Simon rubbed his eyes under his glasses.

_**XxXx**_

"I really like it here." Clary said, swinging her legs on the stool at the counter. "I want to live here" She grinned at the three boys who stood on the other side of the small island.

"I still have some questions" Alec said abruptly. Jace and Simon turned to Alec with quizzical expressions. "I mean we don't know you." Alec looked at Clarys wide eyes.

"No offense" He added hastily.

"Look I'll be honest," Clary began "I am kind of emotional right now with the whole break up thing. So, Ill probably be watching rom coms all day. I'm an artist so I come home covered in paint. Sometimes I work as a substitute art teacher." She looked down at her hands playing with the hem of her bright blue dress. Alec looked at her as if he was disgusted and offended.

"I'm just tired of living with my friend who's a model. All her friends are models." Clary sighed and looked up at the boys.

"How soon can you move in?" Jace was smiling at her.

"Jace" Alec said through his teeth.

"Clary, sweetheart, could you give us a minute?" Jace flashed her a winning smile. Clary moved towards the bathroom they had shown her earlier on the tour.

"I say yes." Jace said after hearing the bathroom door close. "Her friends are models. I don't know if you heard me so I'll repeat" Jace looked in both of his friends eyes. "Models"

Alec rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I say no." He crossed his arms.

"Simon" Jace looked at him with pleading gold eyes. "What do you say?"

"I...um…well there are both pros and cons to living with a woman." Simon said shifting uncomfortably. "Pros: they smell nice! Cons: they can be moody" He pushed up his glasses.

Alec sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Simon!"

"Well I-I" Simon began to stutter. "They're good at folding! And uh there are a lot of pros if you-"

"Ugh" Alec groaned, leaning on the counter.

Simon went quiet his eyes wide.

"Si come on! Don't do this" Jace begged and turned to look at Alec who shook his head.

"We pushed him too far man."

Jace sighed, throwing his hands in the air. "Executive decision. She's in!"

"Yay! Im in!" Clary exclaimed from the couch. The boys turned looking at the small redhead who had her fists in the air. "I promise you won't regret this!"

**_The following week_**

Clary was laying on the sofa chatting with her mother, Jocelyn, on the phone.

"I'm going to hang up, Mom. No, I am not watching The Notebook." It wasn't exactly a lie. Clary had been watching romantic comedies for days. She had watched The Notebook this morning and was now on 10 Things I Hate about You.

"No, Mom. Its fine" She groaned into her phone. She looked up at Alec as he entered the room. "Hey Alec? you're not going to kill me because you are a stranger I met on the internet?"

"Yes, I am." Alec said moving to pour himself a cup of coffee.

"He said no" Clary said hastily "Look, Mom I gotta go."

The front door opened and Jace pushed an exhausted looking Simon through the door.

"Love you too. Bye" Clary resumed the movie.

The boys stood around the small kitchen island. "Hey so Kaelie is hosting a party on Saturday. Im thinking we can all go and-"

Alec held up a hand and pointed towards clary who was softly sobbing on the couch.

"We are in this situation because of you. It's been a week of this shit." Alec said through gritted teeth.

"Clary!" Alec yelled. "Stop it. Get it together!"

The small girl only began to cry harder. Alec threw his hands up in exhasperiation. Simon got up rolling his eyes and moved over to the sofa.

"Hey Clary" He said kindly, sitting down beside her. "Do you want to come out with us tonight?" He placed a hand on her calf.

"Come on it'll be fun. We can get you a rebound" He smiled behind his wide framed glasses.

"I don't know…" Clary said looking down. "I don't think I'm ready"

"Oh You're ready" Jace said leaning on the back of the couch.

"Come on!" Simon said cheerfully "We will be your wingmen! We can guide you through the whole thing!"

Clary brightened sitting up, her legs tucked beneath her. "Like Gandalf through middle earth?"

"Exactly!" Simon exclaimed excitedly. "No!" Jace chimed in at the same time.

"Look," Jace placed a hand on Clary's shoulder and looked down at her "Let's take those Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep dark cave, where no one. Is going to find them"

"Except Smeagol!" Simon interrupted cheerfully. Clary nodded in Simons direction.

As if they needed another nerd in this house. Jace thought to himself.

"Dude not helping" Jace shot him a look. Alec looked down at the scene with a face full of apprehension.

"I guess that sounds nice" Clary said.

_**XxXx**_

"Come on Simon. How am I going to find a hot girl to motorboat if I don't have my wingman with me."

"I am not going." Simon crossed his arms.

Clary stepped out of the shower, wrapped in a bright yellow towel. "Look Jace, I know you really want to go to this party, but wouldn't it be better to find a girl you care about to motorboat?" Clary looked up at him with wide innocent eyes

"And then maybe if you are super lucky, you'll find a girl who will motorboat you back."

Simon stifled a laugh. Clary turned looking at him with a confused expression.

"I don't think she knows what mototrboasting is"

"Hey Kaelie" Jace leaned down and placed a kiss on her cheek "thanks for the invite babe."

The blonde haired girl, Kaelie, giggled. "Of course!" Her voice was singsong and almost as delicate as her appearance.

The group made their way over to the bar. Simon dressed in his typical band t shirt and jeans. Alec a little more dressed up than usual which just meant his sweater today didn't have any obvious holes. Jace was the most put together of the group wearing a white button down, tucked into navy blue pants and a caramel belt and matching shoes.

Jace ordered the group drinks as they headed towards a table.

The tall blonde threw his arm around Clarys shoulders. "Okay Clary let's find you a man." His golden eyes scanned the room.

"How about him." He nodded in the direction of a tall blonde haired man dressed in a light blue shirt.

"This is how you get over Sebastian. You are going to do bad things with that man right there."

"How bad?" Clary asked her eyes getting wide.

"Uh" Jace cleared his throat. How was this girl so clueless. "That's up to you. Now go over there and charm him!"

Jace gave her a light shove. Simon shot her a thumbs up.

Clary cleared her throat and attempted to lean seductively against the bar. Her stature and outfit made her look like a small child out of place in the dim light of the bar.

"Hey there sailor" she said nervously.

"By the angel" Jace muttered covering his face.

"It's alright." Simon said encouragingly. "Maybe he didn't hear her?"

"Oh he definitely heard her." Alec said, draining his glass. "I'll be at the bar."

_**XxXx**_

"How's you're night?" Clary asked cheerfully as she slide into the seat next to him. He reeked of scotch.

Alec turned to her eyebrows raised.

"I'm no good at this." Clary sighed and leaned onto the bar.

"It doesn't look like you are trying very hard." Alec commented taking a sip from his glass.

"Well I've never really been great at this stuff so..." Clary shrugged taking a sip of her beer. "Aren't we a pair? Sitting here alone at the bar."

Alec sighed and ran his fingers through his hair downing the last of his whiskey.

"I am fine. This is a personal choice."

"Why?" Clary spun towards him on the barstool.

Alec shook his head and beckoned for the bar tender. "Another scotch on the rocks please"

"Sure thing" the bartender winked at Alec. Clary's watched the interaction between the two men intently.

"You know what happens to people who keep it all inside? They get old and sad and weird. And then" She looked at him intently.

Alec paused, the glass midway to his mouth.

"You are yelling at the kids 'get off my lawn! My life is filled with regret!'" Clary sat looking at him expectantly.

Alec shook his head and took a sip of his drink. "Or" he said his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I could pretend to be more like you, Clary. Living on a sparkly rainbow! Driving a unicorn around and just sing all the time."

Clary crosses her arms in response. "I think you should give it a shot."

Alec slammed his hand hard against bar. "Clary I'm not going to do that."

"Why not!?"

"Because I'm a man, Clarissa. I have a penis."

Clary frowned at the use of her full name. "My name is Alec, I have a penis and I'm not gonna let out my feelings!" Clary sang in an off key tune.

"Jesus Christ" Alec mumbled cringing.

They sat staring one another down. Until a tall brunette came over and tapped clary on her shoulder.

"Hey I'm Jordan" Clary smiled up at him and brushed one of her red curls behind her ear.

"Clary"

"What are you drinking?"

"Ill have another beer."

Alec raised an eyebrow and left the bar. He didn't want to endure the terrible flirting that was sure to ensue. He joined the boys at a their table.

"I can't believe it" Alec said shaking his head. "How did she do that?"

Simon shrugged, he was a lightweight and already sloppily drunk. His glasses slipping off his nose. "I had faith in her." He slurred out.

"She's hot." Jace said shrugging, taking a sip from Alec's glass. The dark haired boy glared at him. Alec rolled his eyes. The boys chatted and laughed as the night went on until Clary approached them with a tall man following her.

"Straight people have such low standards." Alec muttered.

"I'll see you tomorrow" the boy said winking at Clary as he walked out of the bar.

"I did it!" Clary exclaimed. The three roommates looked down at the small girl in front of them. "I did what you guys said. I talked in short sentences, I laughed, I smiled and I said I needed rebound sex!"

Clary reached over and took a sip from Simons beer.

"He asked me out to a proper dinner." She smiled placing her hands on her hips.

"I'm so proud of you!" Simon said throwing an arm around her.

"I have to say I'm impressed"

_**XxXx**_

Isabelle was sitting in Clarys new apartment. It was nice and spacious but definitely still looked like a bachelor pad. There was a dartboard on one wall. A game consul was set up by the tv and two boys sat in front, controllers in hand.

"Fuck off Lewis!" The shirtless blonde boy shouted.

The boy named Lewis smiled over at the golden on his glasses lopsided on his face. It was almost endearing.

"Excuse me boys" Isabelle cleared her throat. "Could I talk to the three of you?"

Simon looked up at the thin girl with long cascading ink black hair. His mouth dropped, suddenly at a loss for words.

"Sure thing babe" Jace winked, standing up and stretching, showing off his toned body and muscles.

Isabelle rolled her eyes. "On the couch" she pointed at the tattered leather.

"So Isabelle?" Jace said smiling seductively "you're a model?"

"Do you have a shirt?" Isabelle asked in a bored voice. "Please don't make me laugh at you."

Jace feigned a hurt look. "Iz How you wound me"

She rolled her eyes. And looked a the three boys in from of her. The boy named Simon (who she thought was Lewis but came to realize was his last name) starred at Isabelle was an dazed expression. Alec looked at Jace in disgust as Jace did his best to 'woo' her.

"Look I'm just going to say this once" Isabelle leaned forward "Clary is one of my best friends and the kindest person I know. If you guys let anything happen to her, I will personally kill all of you."

Isabelle got up swaying her hips as she left the room. She walked into Clarys room, shutting the door behind her. Clary was sprawled face down on her bed.

"Izzy I cant do this." Clary groaned into the pillow. "What if he thinks I am boring? What if I run out of things to talk about?"

Isabelle threw herself down on the bed beside Clary and rubbed her back. "Come on, lets get you dressed. You can run to the bathroom and call me if its bad."

Clary sat up frowning. "You certainly cant go in that." Isabelle said looking at Clary's paint covered overalls.

"Well I don't have anything else to wear." Isabelle smiled and reached into her bag pulling out a small stretchy black dress. Clary slipped on the dress and pulled on sheer black tights with small black polkadots to add a Clary flare to the outfit. Her long red curls falling to frame her fame.

The girls walked out into the living room. The boys looked up from whatever they had been doing.

"Damn Clary" Alec said smiling.

Clary blushed. "Thanks Alec"

"You look great." Simon said looking up and down at the small redhead.

"Aw guys that's so sweet. She looked over at Isabelle. "Should I text him I'm on my way?"

"Of course!" Isabelle smiled down at her friend.

Jace cleared his throat. "You've been texting him?"

"Yeah" Clary said nervously biting her bottom lip. "Is that bad?"

"Not at all" Jace said, trying to hide his smile. "It's nice. Have a good night."

_**XxXx**_

"Simon you look ridiculous" Alec said as they walked up to the club.

"Hey man!" Simon said "I've got your back! Why can't you have mine."

"Si I got your back!" Jace said clapping a hand on his friends shoulder.

"No, Jace I want to hear it from him" Simon jabbed a finger at Alec.

Inside the club Jace moved to the bar to grab a drink. A familiar face caught Jaces eye. He turned and saw Clarys date at the bar.

_Jacob was it?_

Jace couldn't remember. He walked over to the guy and clapped a hand hard against the guys back.

"Hey man where's Clary?"

The guys face was disfigured with disgust. "Ugh dude she texted me like ten times. Like long ones. I just wanted to hook up."

Jace felt rage bubbling inside him. "So did you tell her you weren't coming? Is she still waiting for you to show up?"

"Yeah" the guy scoffed "I called her" he rolled his eyes grabbing his drink from the bar and walking off into the crowd.

Jace turned on his heels grabbing the Simon and Alec's arms.

"Come on guys we are leaving"

Simon pulled his arm free shoving Jace.

"Dude this is our night!"

"Clary needs us. Here date is here. He stood her up." Simons eyes softened and he nodded.

Alec scoffed pulling his arm free. "She's a big girl she'll sort it."

Jace frowned. "Fine man. Simon and I will see you at the flat."

The two boys headed towards the door. Alec looked after his roommates and groaned.

_**XxXx**_

Clary sat at the table with her head In her hands as the waitress cane back over.

"Still waiting?" The woman asked kindly. Clary slumped down in her seat playing with a piece of bread from the basket on the table. She couldn't believe she was dumb enough to even show up to this.

"Could I just get another glass of red wine?" Clary asked, he words a little slurred already.

"Maybe I could relocate you to the bar?"

Clary shook her head. "Could I just stay here a bit longer?"

The waitress looked down at the small girl with the red rimmed eyes. Her face full of pity. Before she could respond a shout came from across the restaurant.

"We're here!" Jace shouted sprinting toward Clary with Alec and Simon in toe.

"We're here for the date!" Simon added grinning.

"Yeah the date thing" Alec said looking around at all the faces staring at them.

"You're all her dates?" The waitress said placing a hand in her hip.

"Yup. Yeah" Jace said "we're a...reverse Mormons. One man isn't enough for our Clary" he winked in the redheads direction.

The waitress raised an eyebrow and turned.

"Clary" Jace said taking a seat across from her. "I'm so sorry that guy was an asshole."

Clary geared up. "You guys skipped your night out to come see me?" Clary hiccuped, trying not to cry.

"Yeah. Of course!" Jace nodded earnestly.

"We like you." Simon added with a nervous smile.

"Aww" Clary said grabbing her napkin and dabbing at her eyes. "That's so sweet of you guys"

"God don't cry!" Alec said harshly.

"Dude" Simon said throwing his hands up.

Jace cleared his throat, leaned forward and began to sing awfully out of tune. "I have had the time of my life"

"What the fuck is he doing?" Alec said looking from Jace to Simon.

"Yes it's true nah Naha nah nah something something" Jace slapped Alec in the stomach.

Alec grunted and joined in on the terrible rendition. Jace pinched Simon who began belting out the lines, perfectly.

Clary laughed at the three boys who were poorly serenading her. In the middle of the restaurant.

_**XxXx**_

The four roommates sat on the couch watching Dirty Dancing.

"Hey Clary" Jace said his arm on the back on the sofa behind her head. "I know you've had a rough go of it but I just want you to know that no matter what I would still totally do you."

Clary turned to the blonde haired boy beside her.

"Aw Jace. That's so sweet"

Jace smiled down at her.

"Jar!" Clary giggled.

"Jar" Alec seconded as Simon reaches over to pass the jar to Jace.

_**A/N: **hi! thank you so much for giving this a read! this first chapter is suuupper similar to the show (w some tweaks) but I am planning on deviating from the next chapter and on. I just really liked the set up from the show and wanted to tie that into the intro for this fic! lmk in the comments if any of you would be interested in a chapter 2?_


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